Highs and Lows of my 2nd Year of Motherhood

I expect that every birthday Forest has will bring about waves of nostalgia and sentimentality. The 2^nd birthday is a big one, as it means my baby is no longer a baby at all. While the thought ‘I don’t have a baby anymore’ can feel sad, it’s also a huge cause for celebration. Just like my first year of motherhood, the second year was full of highs and lows, though much different sorts of challenges and joys than the first year brought with it. Here’s a look back at the bullet points of year two. 

Lows: 
1) Illnesses. Forest never had so much as a runny nose until he was 13 months old, but once he got his first cold it was as if the flood gates opened and his immune system was constantly under attack. 

At 15 months he was diagnosed with the flu and it was such a scary moment. I had just read an article about a perfectly healthy infant who died from that year’s flu strand and here I was nursing my child who was in the ‘vulnerable population’ subset. Luckily he turned out fine, but I remember my friend Talia coaching me after we got the news: Gear up, it’s going to be a long week…. 

I don’t think Forest slept more than 30 minutes in a row for 4 days and he was just so miserable. Jonathan and I took turns sleeping in the guest room while the other one took night duty, ‘sleeping’ on the glider in the nursery. During the day his fever would rise steadily before finally breaking each day in the afternoon after spiking upwards of 104. 

It was exhausting and terrifying and such a helpless feeling to just have to let it run its course. And it wasn’t without its complications. For months after the flu, Forest had a cough that plagued him during the night and prevented any of us from getting much sleep. The doctor seemed to think that the flu caused a sort of acute ‘cough-variant’ asthma due to inflammation in his lungs. 

He was on breathing treatments on and off for months. We thought we were rid of it after having no issues all summer but just this week he’s had another flare up that has us all sleep deprived and really just bracing ourselves for what this year’s cold season might have in store for him. 

Oh and he also had a few anti-biotic resistant ear infections this year which were loads of fun as well....

2) Nap transition to 1 nap. Most kids drop from 2 naps to 1 sometime in their second year. I was told that Forest would merge his 2 shorter naps into 1 longer nap, but that just never really happened for us. He dropped his afternoon nap around 16 months without any issues, but never compensated for the lost 45-60 minutes by extending his mid-day snooze. Drats. 

He occasionally would throw us a mega nap (2.5-3.5 hours) but the average was about 1.5 hours which was what his morning nap had always been. Now that he’s 2, 6 days out of 7 his naps are almost 1 hour to the minute, and he hardly ever naps longer than an hour and 45 minutes. 

I just have this feeling that he’s going to be one of those toddlers who stops napping really early which is so unfair when you think about how energetic and active he is! This momma needs naptime! 

3) Relinquishing control and shaking the haters off.   Forest’s natural tendency is toward exploration and independence. He’s never been overly attached to me, except for a bout of separation anxiety around 12-15 months. Other than that, he is confident to a fault. He never looks to me to check if something is safe or ok, but instead fearlessly rushes towards anything that looks interesting. This has been such a hard trait to parent, especially when it manifests itself in a desire to physically run off. 

Playdates at the park became a nightmare. While the other moms would gather at the playground while their freakishly calm toddlers played quietly at their feet, my wild child had to be chased constantly and getting him to stay on the playground was an impossible task. I always left these gatherings feeling exhausted, frustrated and lonely. I felt like none of my momma friends knew what I was going through, and imagined that they must be judging me for having a child so willful and wild. 

At his 18 month well check I had a bit of a breakdown in the pediatrician’s office. I told her about my concerns about Forest’s fearlessness and running away. She totally spun it around and said ‘Forest is active. He’s curious. He’s confident and independent. These are awesome traits, but they are very hard to parent, especially in the toddler years. For now you are going to have to just put in more energy and effort but I promise you there is nothing wrong with him and in fact these are really positive attributes.’ 

I still am really sensitive about these issues and tend to get a little teary when people comment on how ‘wild’ he is. I feel like he’s only 2 and I’m already having to advocate for him and take up for him. 

He’s such a special and fun kid and getting more apt to listen and stay within certain boundaries every day, though we’ve also learned to meet him halfway.  

If we let him run around and explore the open space at the park, he’s more likely to spend a good bit of time on the playground or in the sandbox afterward. I also gravitate to indoor playgrounds or hosting playdates at our house where I know he is confined and can play and explore safely til his heart’s content. 

4)Feeling the pressure/expectation to have baby #2. Once your baby turns 18 months, they are old news and everyone starts expecting you to announce that a little sibling is on the way. I am one of the only moms in my playgroup or small group who only has one child or is not pregnant with # 2/3/4 as we speak. 

It’s a constant question: when are you planning on having another? I’m an open book, so I don’t mind opening up about my lack of desire (and potential lack of ability) to have more children. When you bargain with God for 3 years to give you just one, you tend to be happy with ‘just one’. 

From the day Forest was born, I felt like our family was complete. I’m not saying that we will never have another child or that there isn't significant ambivalence in my heart regarding this issue, but unless God nudges us in that direction, we are leaving well enough alone and trying to be so grateful for the baby we have. 

But still, it’s hard to feel like I’m being left behind as all my friends seem to be moving into the 2+ kids camp. I’m such a people pleaser/rule follower so it’s hard to break the mold, especially since apparently '3 is the new 2'.  It’s hard to separate that pressure to conform from what our actual desires are, and it’s easy to forget that even if we wanted another baby, we might not be able to have one. Part of me wonders if our contentment with one is God's way of guarding our hearts against future heartache.

 For now we just pray about it and try to keep an open mind about what God wants for our family. I have peace about Forest being an only child, but I’m weary of dodging the constant questions about when to expect #2 and I hate feeling like we are letting our  family down by having 'just one'.  

Well that’s enough negativity, because Forest’s 2^nd year was also full of joy! It was so much fun watching him learn to move and communicate and discover the world. I’ll try to narrow it down but it’ll be hard! 

Highs: 
1) Watching him discover his voice. Forest was slow to start talking, but right about 18 months his vocabulary and expressive language skyrocketed. I could hardly keep up with all the new words he acquired and was amazed and baffled when he’d spit out new words on a daily basis. 

I noticed an immediate correlation his newfound ability to communicate and his lessened moodiness. He had become so frustrated with his lack of ability to clearly tell us what he wanted and then all of a sudden it was as if he had a new super power. Now he is one of the chattiest 2 year olds around, even if I’m the only one who understands 50% of it. 

2) Independent Play. When babies first start crawling and toddling, it’s kind of a nightmare. It’s as if their mission in life is to find every choking hazard/death trap within a 2 mile radius. I felt like I had to be constantly hypervigilant and couldn’t take my eyes of Forest for a single moment. 

As year 2 progressed, suddenly I began to breathe a bit easier, trusting that he wasn’t going to put a rock in his mouth or take a tumble off the couch if I dared to leave the room. Now I have peace about folding the laundry or cooking dinner knowing that he’s safely entertaining himself in another room. 

Forest has an awesome attention span and has been known to play quietly with his blocks/trains/colors/etc for an entire hour without any interference from me. Of course we have plenty of one on one time together but it’s so nice to be able to get some things done or drink a cup of coffee without having to worry about him finding the one electrical outlet in the house without a safety cover on it. 

3) Traveling. Ok, so traveling with a toddler is never without it’s hiccups, but we have been so impressed with how well Forest has traveled this year. We are gaining our confidence and looking forward to more adventures this year! 

4) His cuteness. 

God knew when he gave us such a wildling, he was gonna need to make him extra adorable to ease the blow. Forest is soooo handsome, plus his personality is just totally fun and up for anything. This year he went from Gerber Baby to Toddler Model and looks more like a handsome big boy everyday. 

I could seriously eat him with a spoon and he gets smothered in kisses every single day. 

5) Seeing his love of books. Forest looks so much like his daddy, it’s easy to forget that my genes are even in the mix. But watching his obsession with books grow everyday, I know he’s my child too. 

Same thing with animals. Child is obsessed and can name about 100 species of animals. He’s also so gentle with any animals he comes across, from spiders in the yard (yuck!) to goats at the petting zoo. 

For such a rambunctious little boy, it’s quite amazing really! 

 Ok friends, I think that’s enough. It’s just amazing to think about how much he’s changed in a years time, but also, how much easier things have gotten. I’m not sure if it’s actually easier or if the rewards are so much bigger that it makes it feel that way. I’ve never been a baby person, but toddlers are my jam, so I’m really enjoying being on the other side for now! 

Here’s to year 3! We are off to a great start already:)