The Hardest Decision We've Ever Made.

A few weeks ago, Jonathan and I made the hardest, most painful decision of our lives. We decided to re-home our dog, Bailey. That simple fact still feels surreal. We aren’t the sort of people who re-home a dog. We are the sort who foster dogs. 

Who adopt dogs. 

Who take in strays until an owner can be found. 

Who dog-sit for friends and family. Who march the neighborhood looking for a neighbor’s lost pup. I never thought I’d ever be the one to make that desperate call: my dog needs a different kind of home than I can provide. It feels so irresponsible. 

We know a dog is a 14-15 year commitment. We knew that when we purchased her from a breeder 8 years ago. 

We decided on a Brittany because they were smart, beautiful, and would make a good active companion on our jogs and hikes. 

We also decided on the breed because they are one of the least likely dogs to show aggression. We knew we wanted children somewhere in this puppy’s lifespan, so that was the most important factor for us. We wanted a dog we could trust to be patient and gentle and submissive. 

We learned quickly that though Brittanys are truly affectionate sweet-hearts, they also tend to be a bit shy and cautious and need to be socialized heavily as puppies to avoid anxiety later on. We were diligent about taking her along with us everywhere, introducing her to all sorts of people and animals. 

Unfortunately, we were in college at the time and none of our peers had any kids so her exposure to little people was nonexistent. In fact, she was 2 or 3 before she was really in close quarters with any toddlers, and that was with my nephew Corbin.  Neither one really knew what to make of the other which lead to a lot of rough petting from Corbin, barking from Bailey, and a bit of timidity from both. 

After that, Bailey has always been unsure around kids and keeps a wide berth anytime they are near. We knew about Bailey’s skittishness with small kids when we got pregnant but figured if she watched ours grow from a newborn to a toddler, she’ll be desensitized and more comfortable with our own kids. At first this was true. She would often sniff at Forest in his Rock n Play and didn’t seem too bothered or fascinated by the new occupant in our house.  

 

She was curious but in a healthy, non threatening way so we were optimistic that she’d be fine with Forest.  Then he started moving, and everything changed. Because Forest is enamored with all dogs, he of course would follow her around the house. This led to her hiding from him under our bed or refusing to come out of her kennel. As he became more agile, she became more reclusive. 

Finally it got to the point where I hardly ever saw her anymore. She certainly wasn’t hanging out with us as a family if Forest was around and would only come out from her lair during naps or after we put him to bed. I was concerned about her behavior but would rather her retreat than be uncomfortable around Forest and perhaps bark and scare him, or worse....

Then one day I was packing our suitcases to go to Louisiana so I brought Forest into the bedroom with me. As I packed, I heard Forest giggle and before I could register that he must have spotted Bailey in her hiding place under the bed I heard a snarl and a gnash and then copious amounts of tears from Forest. 

She didn’t actually bite him but she definitely gave him a warning. And in my book, that crossed a major line. I guess I always thought, I’ll keep Bailey and Samson as long as I can trust them 100% with my child, and once that incident occurred, I could no longer be positive Bailey wouldn’t hurt him. 

Still, I was hesitant to give up on her without trying to rehab her a bit first. I started out by giving her a piece of cheese everytime she allowed Forest to pet her. I was diligent about taking her on walks with us every day and making sure she walked behind the stroller. I tried to send the message that Forest was her pack leader now and she could never NEVER ever NEVER snap at him under any circumstances. While she did make some progress in being more comfortable around him she was still totally jumpy anytime he tried to pet her which was basically anytime they were in the same room. 

I looked on facebook and instagram to see all of my friends posting sweet pictures of their babies and dogs being affectionate towards one another (or even in my own home to see how differently Samson acted around Forest) and it just hit me like a ton of bricks: that will never be Bailey. 

Then once again we witnessed a threatening growl and nip from Bailey and a hysterical wail from Forest (still no contact but enough to scare him), and we absolutely knew what had to be done. 

It wasn’t an easy decision. It’s been one that is laden with guilt. But there would be guilt either way. What it came down to was: I can live with the guilt of finding Bailey a new home, but I could never live with the guilt if she injured my child.  It was apparent that this decision was in her best interest as well, as she had spent the last 4 months in a state of timid uneasiness in her own home.

When we made up our minds, we knew to call American Brittany Rescue, a non-profit organization that specializes in finding homes for displaced Brittany Spaniels. We fostered dogs for them when we lived in West Texas and knew that they would go above and beyond to find the perfect placement for Bailey. 

Our foster, Chapman. He's the one that got away. Such an awesome Brit!

For now she is staying with a foster family who has 7 acres up near Sacramento. The rescue is hopeful that a recent applicant will be a good match and he is going to meet Bailey this week. They've promised to keep us updated on the situation. 

I am praying hard that she finds a happy home. I hope her life is full of snuggles and running and chasing everything that moves, without being chased by baby. I’m blessed that for 8 years she was mine. 

She was my best friend in new cities where I knew no one. A hobby. An excuse to go to the park. 

She kept me warm on cold nights when Jonathan was working a rotational schedule. 

She was by my side for so many adventures. 

A hiking buddy. 

A jogging partner.  

She was a source of comfort in a 3 year struggle with infertility. A companion during a morning-sickness laden first trimester, and a friend to waddle with in the third.

She was a rare constant in an inconsistent life. 

She brought me joy, comfort and contentedness. 

It feels so sad to speak of her in the past tense. The guilt I harbor makes me feel in a sense like I don’t have the right to truly grieve for her. But nonetheless, I am mourning her and feel heavy and raw from this loss. 

Please pray for our family through this transition, but most of all pray for the family that will adopt Bailey. Pray that they will love her as much as we do. Enough to always make the best decision for her, even when it hurts. 

I’d like to take a little time to pay tribute to her through pictures. 

We will miss you, Bailey-girl, and will remember you in our prayers every night. You’re a good dog. I hope I told you that enough.