Thanksgiving

I remember the post I wrote last year around this time about how easy it is to be thankful when our lives are exactly how we want them to be. How I hoped that should a harder season of life come to call that I would still find joy in the Lord. I think even the most gracious of us need a healthy dose of perspective now and then. 

Oh, you spent your Sunday morning in an urgent care clinic where your toddler was diagnosed with staph infection? How about being grateful for urgent care, and insurance, and anti-biotics? Oh your kid got sick the day your husband left for a month long business trip and will miss a week of very expensive preschool ,meaning you forfeit your alone time to instead wipe snotty noses and rock pitiful toddlers back to sleep? How about being grateful for the fact that your husband has a job, a good paying one that affords you the right to stay home and still pay for expensive preschool and the only thing that you’ll lose from your kid being mildly sick is a little bit of time to write a blog about gratitude? For example. 

Y’all I know I have it good. And yet gratitude can still be hard to come by. When I pause and think about my boundless blessings, then of course I am grateful, but I’m frustrated with myself that it doesn’t come more naturally to me. That I have to be reminded how good I have it. That thankfulness isn’t my default setting as it should be. 

My favorite passage of the bible which I repeat like a mantra is this: Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  

More than anything, this is the sort of Christian example I would like to be. I want to be one of those people is who always joyful. I don’t want to get discouraged by too little sleep, not enough time alone and the redundancy of disciplining a strong-willed toddler. I want to be able to look at my complaints and correctly re-label them as blessings. 

I promise you I try every day to restructure my thoughts and pray for God to help me let go of my control so that I can rest in Him and just take joy in where He’s placed me in my life. I guess admitting your weaknesses is the first step in transformation. Because, y’all, life right now for me has some pretty hard moments. 

There is no singular thing that I have to complain about but it’s just this heaviness I feel constantly when Jonathan is away. I’m stumbling under the weight of being the sole person responsible for Forest. My anxiety has returned and is running amuck. For the most part I’m able to keep an attitude of gratitude but it’s currently a fragile state. I’m so easily side-swiped out of that mentality into fear and discouragement. 

I am grateful, truly. But I’m also lonely, homesick (is that the right word?) and anxious. I try to focus on the positive but this Thanksgiving, it just wouldn’t be honest to solely gush about all the things I’m happy about. This year feels like a huge downgrade from last year in many ways. 

I miss my friends and the California landscape. I miss my husband being home at 4:30 every day and his office being just down the road if I ever needed him. Or just sharing a time zone so if Forest got into the liquid Benadryl at 7 pm I could call him freaking out instead of sending him an email about it long after I’d already called poison control and done hourly checks on him in bed all night long. For example. 

But luckily this holiday forces us to take stock of our blessings. That’s why I love it. It’s a day where we pause and reframe our mindset to take stock of the things that bring us joy and comfort even in the harder times. So here are *just a few*of the things I’m thankful for: 

My health. Gosh, what a big blessing that I take for granted all the time. I know friends and mommas battling chronic illnesses who still manage to do it all with a smile on their face. They inspire me and remind me that my health is such a gift. 

My child. I know many are praying and longing for a child this holiday season. That grief of infertility is still fresh in my heart and in the moments when I feel frustrated or run-down raising Forest, I remember those 3 years of fervent longing and try to remind myself that this is EXACTLY what I prayed for. 

My husband’s job. The oilfield is slow going these days and I’m very thankful that we’ve never been afraid that he might lose his employment. Though working in Angola 28/28 is certainly a sacrifice, I know many people who would jump at the chance for the same opportunity. 

Being closer to family. Y’all, I just saw my sister for the first time in over a year. She had a baby and got pregnant with another one in the time since I’d last seen her. That’s just not right. Even though she still lives about 11 hours away, it’s much closer than California or Scotland. In general, we’ve gotten to see our extended family more in the past 4 months than we did in the past 4 years so yay for Houston. 

Ps did you know it's actually impossible to get a picture of 4 boys looking at the camera? Or to have all 5 cousins available for a photo op? 

My husband. Though sometimes I feel like I’m parenting solo, I’m not a single mom. When Jonathan is home he is with us 24/7 which is a big support and makes life much simpler. Plus he’s a hunk and he cooks bacon every morning. So there’s that too. 

Samson. He’s having some issues getting around these days but he’s still the cutest and sweetest pup I ever knew and I try to remind myself of this when I’m carrying him to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. 

Well, that’s about all I have time to document at the moment but I hope y’all have a wonderful Thanksgiving full of fellowship with people who bring you joy. I plan on feasting with some of my favorite Louisianans, playing Mahjong and seeing the new Disney flick with Forest so I’m pretty stoked.