Look Who's Talking: 13 Months Old!

Hey y’all. I figured that even though we are out of our monthly stickers, Forest and I would continue to do a monthly blog post to keep you abreast of his developments as he approaches full-on toddlerhood. He is changing so fast these days. Every day he discovers new skills, knowledge and interests and as a momma it can be hard to keep up. It’s the greatest joy I have to watch him develop into this little person, but it isn’t without its challenges. Here’s Forest to give you his perspective on life as a 13 month old. 

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Hey folks! How ya been? I hope you had a good Thanksgiving. Mine was a little hard to enjoy because I had a low grade fever and a stream of snot dripping down my face.

Luckily that was all cleared up in time to enjoy some leftovers the following day, though my mom was astonished that turkey didn’t have the hypnotic effect on me that it does on the general population. 

She’s finally started to realize that I am a super human and my main super power is that I need very little sleep to survive. For some reason, she and my dad seem a bit frustrated by this fact but I think they should view it as a positive. ‘Oh, your bay sleeps 12 hours at night and then takes 3 hours of naps each day? Well, while your kid is spending all that time sleeping, my kid is up learning stuff and helping us take all of the cookware out of our kitchen cabinets and scatter it throughout the house'.  Instead it’s all ‘Forest, the experts say you should be getting about 2 hours more sleep per day, so why don’t you have some ‘quiet’ time in your crib while I have some mommy juice?’. See what I’m dealing with over here? No appreciation for my extraordinary skill for NOT napping. Anyhoos, now that that’s off my chest, let’s begin our regularly scheduled programming, starting with my dislikes. 

Dislikes:  

1. Gym daycare.  

Another thing my mom doesn’t appreciate is the fact that I want to be with her ALL of the time. I've even stopped napping in the afternoon so that we can spend more quality time together. For some reason she views this as a negative thing and convinced my dad to join a gym with a drop off day-care. Now they get 2.5 hours of babysitting a day while they “work out” (*cough* drink coffee and take a steam *cough*). I have let them (and every day-care worker there) know that I do not appreciate this arrangement. And you know how they responded to my protests? By downgrading me to the baby room. 

Apparently due to my *totally developmentally normal* emotional outbursts, I’m deemed not mature enough to hang with the toddlers just yet and need to be rocked and coddled in a dark quiet room by a relative stranger. Yea, just what I need- one more person shoving nap time down my throat. But you go enjoy a nice relaxing steam, mom. I’ll be in the baby room having an anxiety attack. It’s cool. Do your thing. I’ll still be crying when you come to get me after your 2.5 hours of 'me time' are up. 

Now, I will admit that after a week of daycare I am starting to warm up to the idea and have even been spending some time playing in the toddler room, but don't tell my mom that. I have a rep to protect.   

2. Teething. 

For the love of all that is good, will I ever stop teething? Two months ago I had 8 teeth. Now I have 14 and am working on 15 and 16 as we speak. It’s the total pits. Even if I wanted to take an afternoon nap, how could I possibly manage that with these vampire teeth sharply carving their way through my gum line? 

3. Being sick. 

Hey Mom, remember when I went a full year without getting sick and then you started bringing me to the gym daycare and within a week I had my first cold? Coincidence? Unlikely. As if I didn’t have enough problems with the onslaught of teeth making their way into my mouth, then I had a sore throat and runny nose to go along with it. And my parents thought teething made it hard for me to sleep? Teething is child’s play compared to a head cold. 

3. Leaving the park. The last time I talked to y’all I was just starting to get good at walking. One month later I am a total pro. I can easily pop up to a standing position and within milliseconds I am trotting along to my chosen destination. My favorite part of the day is going to the park where my parental units push me on the swings before letting me loose to explore the playground. My favorite thing is just to walk the loop circling the park and say hi to all the bushes/trees/waterfountains/dogs/people, etc. 

But after about ten minutes of this, my parents start trying to herd me back to my stroller so they can take me home. I evade them like the best of them, but eventually they catch me and cart me off. And despite throwing my most dedicated toddler temper tantrum, they absolutely won’t put me down on the ground. I flail about and arch my back to try to escape being strapped into that oppressive contraption they call a stroller, but they always overpower me. Doesn't stop me from yelling 'child abuse!' as loudly as possible though.   

My mom always goes into some spiel about how she understands that I'm angry and that anger is an acceptable emotion but how I'm expressing it is futile and doesn't change the fact that I have to be pushed home in the stroller despite the fact that I have two very capable legs to walk on. Any of you guys have a trained mental health counselor for a parent? It is the WORST.

Likes: 

1. Chasing ducks. 

I’m a simple man with simple tastes. All my mom has to do is take me to Blackhawk Plaza to terrorize the ducks and I’m happy as can be. Just don’t try to cart me off and put me in a stroller afterward. You’ve been warned. 

2. Getting snot sucked out of my nose.  

 

Buy your very own snot straw on Amazon!

At first I thought this Nose Frida contraption was some sort of medieval torture device and would scream like the dickens any time my mom came near me with it. 

But then suddenly I realized that my mom hated it even more than I did and suddenly I saw the humor in the situation. I thought ‘what a frivolous luxury!’ I mean, I feel like a king who can’t be bothered to blow his own nose, but instead has a servant with a straw come and do the job for him. It’s hilarious and now everytime my mom comes at me I just turn and face her before erupting in a fit of giggles. 

3. Play dates. 

I get a little bored with just my momma to entertain me so I love when I get to hang out with people my own age. It’s mind-numbing to have adult conversations all day so sometimes I just want to chat with my fellow babies who totally understand my language. 

4. Fall leaves. 

What a hoot! Leaves are so much fun to crawl through, kick, throw in the air, eat…. If only my mom would let me play with them in peace instead of trying to snap my picture every 5 seconds. 

Alright, that’s about all I’ve got to say today. See you in a month!