Book Recommendations: Baby Edition

 

I am a huge book worm so from time to time I will post a bit about books I’ve been reading and the many that are on my list of what to read next. I figured that since lots of what I’ve been reading over the past 6 months has been baby-centric, I should probably do a little write up on the books that have really helped me get through these first few months of parenthood. 

Now, I should warn you, I am not an attachment-style parent. That doesn’t mean I don’t fully support this philosophy of parenting. As a whole, it’s just not for me and my kid, though some aspects of it I have totally adopted (such as baby-wearing). In any case, I don’t think this parenting business is an all or nothing type of deal and I find myself borrowing scraps of philosophies and patching them together for a custom fit. 

But by and large, I’m a bit more into structure, routine, boundaries, and, to some extent, predictability. So if you’re the type that gets in a tizzy any time the mere mention of Dr. Richard Ferber comes up, you should probably stop reading now. You’ve been warned...

So here’s a bit of what I’ve been reading and recommending (click on titles if you want to buy or find out more info): 

1) On Becoming Babywise: Giving your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep by: GaryEzzo and Dr. Robert Bucknam 

 

I think that everyone should read this book before bringing home a newborn. There is so much scientifically based information on infant feeding, routines, and sleeping patterns. A lot of people (who haven’t read the book) criticize these methods for being too rigid but that is absolutely false. The authors stress constantly that if your baby is hungry, feed him. But they suggest in general that your goal should be to put your newborn on a 3 hourly schedule of eat, play, sleep. This gets their biological rhythms in order so that they eat fuller meals, take more satisfactory siestas, and sleep through the night by about 8 weeks old.  Yes, Forest started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old. It was glorious!

People criticize the feeding schedule as ‘starving’ your child since it discourages 'on-demand' feeding, but I found it to be a very proactive approach. We did this schedule with Forest and only twice has he EVER cried out of hunger (both during growth spurts). He has been on the Babywise plan since Day 1 (initiated and supported by the NICU crew) and in 6 months he has gone from the 2^nd percentile to the 60^th in terms of weight, so I’m definitely not starving him! 

I would say that if you are breastfeeding, watch your supply around the 8 week mark when they start sleeping 8 hours at night. My milk supply nose dived around that time. Many women continue to pump during the middle of the night or just try to squeeze in an extra feeding/pumping during the day to keep their supply strong. Other women, like my sister, never experience a problem with decreased supply despite going 8-12 hours without a full feeding/pumping, but I was not so lucky. Just a tip. 

Also, I have another gripe about this book. It basically asserts that ALL babies should nap for 1.5-2 hours per 3 hour cycle. Forest NEVER did this. In fact, even now at 6 months I consider him a good napper and he normally tops out at 1 hour and 15 minutes. That’s enough for him, much to my dismay. For the first 16 weeks or so he was a solid 45 minute napper so I had to be flexible. The important thing is to stick with the 3 hour feeding schedule and eventually things should balance out. 

2) Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr.Marc Weissbluth. 

 

OMG I love this book. I read it after reading Babywise and The Baby Whisperer and it was such a breath of fresh air. It’s just a way more balanced approach and explains the science of infant sleep. It was the first source I read that explained that some babies, especially babies born after their due date, never experience a sleepy period. 

Forest came out of the womb with guns blazing and I was so thrown off by this. Everything I’d read had me expecting a baby who couldn’t stay up for more than 15 minutes at a time. Forest didn’t sleep for 7 hours after he was born! I was so worried that he had some sort of sensory or neurological issue, but it turns out that this is pretty common amongst over-due babes. 

This book also delved into how babies with colic need to be soothed to sleep whereas Baby Wise stressed the importance of putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake right from Day 1. This NEVER worked for Forest until he was about 3 months old. I felt like this book let me off the hook to get him to sleep in whatever ways I could. For Forest this meant swaddling, playing white noise, and rocking him for 5-10 minutes until he nodded off. 

Now I still do his nap routine but put him to bed before he falls asleep and it works just as well. One day, he was just ready for that. 

But for those first colicky months there was no way that was going to fly. Basically, this book explained to me that not all babies are text book babies and some take longer than others to develop self-soothing skills. Now Forest sleeps as much or more than average babies his age, it’s just took a lot of experimentation to get him there.    

3)SolveYour Child’s Sleep Problems by Dr. Richard Ferber. 

 

Unfairly known as the father of the ’Cry It Out’ method, Dr. Ferber gets a bad rap. When I mention this book to moms of babies struggling with sleep issues, I usually get the ‘Oh, I could never let my baby cry it out’ response. Honestly, in comparison to the other sleep training books I’ve read, Dr. Ferber is pretty conservative. 

Also, he never personally uses the term ‘cry it out’ and actually instead proposes an extended waiting method which involves leaving your baby to cry for slightly lengthened periods of time. For instance, let them cry for 1 minute and then check on them, reassure them briefly and leave them to cry for 3 minutes. And then 5 minutes. And then 10 minutes.  The philosophy is that you are giving your baby an opportunity to self soothe and fall asleep unassisted while having the parents close at hand to reassure the baby at graduated increments. 

Jonathan and I both read this book in desperation when our previously sleeping-through-the-night baby relapsed into waking every 3-4 hours at night. Turns out, he was teething and went back to normal eventually, but I still think the book was informative and the knowledge is good to have on hand for those inevitable sleep regressions that occur during the first year. 

Honestly, I think every new or expecting parent should read this book and familiarize themselves with Ferber. Even if you disagree, I think there is so much mis-information floating around out there about how to successfully carry out this method of sleep training, you might as well arm yourselves with the facts and decide for yourself. 

4) Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by: Pamela Druckerman

 

See, I do actually read baby books that have nothing (or little) to do with sleep training. One niche I particularly love is anthropological memoirs reflecting on North Americans raising their babies abroad. In particular, raising their babies in France. Did you know that French babies generally sleep through the night at 2 months and that there is essentially nothing like a ‘kid’s menu’ in French restaurants because the children there eat sophisticated meals from the time they start solids? It’s fascinating! 

I was pregnant when I read Bringing up Bebe, and I  instinctively connected with many of the French philosophies on child rearing, which mainly focuses on giving children (and babies) firm boundaries but giving them freedom and independence to explore within those limits.  Full of interesting anecdotes about raising British/American children in Paris, this memoir also gives insight into how French parents often end up with such well-behaved kiddos. I definitely recommend it as a fun and interesting read. 

5) French Kids Eat Everything: How ourfamily moved to France, cured picky eating, banned snacking, and discovered 10 simple rules for raising happy, healthy eaters By: Karen Le Billion. 

 

In the same vein, this book mostly focuses on the difference in food culture between France and North America. I’m hoping to raise Forest to be an adventurous eater (unlike me as a child) and the French seem to mostly escape the pitfalls of picky eating. This book delves into how the French educate their children about food from the start and teach them to delight in meals. 

Children are expected to try new things, aren’t allowed to snack between meals, and rarely eat fast food. The lunch menus at preschools read like 5 star restaurants and no special accommodations are made for picky eaters. Also, parent’s never make substitutions or additional food for kids at meal times. They are served what the adults are eating. 

It’s a nice model which fosters a healthy relationship with food that I think Americans sometimes lack. I hope that Forest continues to enjoy his meals and trying new foods, but with me as his momma, I’ve got my own food issues that I will need to work out first. I’m a huge snacker and fresh fruit and veggies don’t make the cut nearly as much as they should. 

One thing we have adopted after reading this is family dinner time. We all three sit down together at around 6 and eat a meal. No TV. No phones. Just food and family. Hopefully this sets the precedent early on that dinnertime is family time without any distractions.  

 6) How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm: And Other Adventures in Parenting by: Mei-LingHopgood. 

 

This is another anthropological look at how other cultures raise kiddos. It touches on everything from late Argentinian bedtimes to how the Chinese potty train infants. And of course, how Eskimos keep their babies warm. Another fun and captivating read to pass those early morning breast feeding hours. 

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Well, that’s about all my book recommendations for this issue. What books would you recommend for parents about to embark into parenthood?